Living in a neurodivergent household

Some households have one neurodivergent person.
Ours? We’ve got a few.

And that changes everything.

It’s not just my sensory overload, it’s theirs too.
It’s not just my big feelings, it’s a house full of them.

There’s noise. Movement. Sensory clashes. Different needs, all at once.

There’s food rejection, clothing rejection, sound rejection.

And no one here is the calm one.

There are days when it feels like everyone’s melting down at the same time.
And I’m supposed to hold it together, even when I’m falling apart too.

Is this autism? Is this trauma? Is this sensory? Is it just being five? Am I making it worse? Am I missing something?

The mental load of trying to parent while simultaneously trying to diagnose, accommodate, and educate yourself is enormous.

And when everyone’s nervous system is on high alert, the odds of snapping, shouting, or shutting down go way up.

So even though I want to be a calm, regulated, gentle parent…
Sometimes I just can’t be.

Not because I don’t care.
But because I’ve hit my limit, too.

There’s so much love in this house.
But there’s also a lot. A lot of volume. A lot of emotion. A lot of repair.

And sometimes I just someone to say:
It’s hard in here. And you’re doing your best.

Voice Notes

AuDHD

Lorna

What it is like to be in a family of people with a mix of ADHD and Autism.

“…there was always quite a lot of work and quite a lot of needs to be met as time’s gone on… which makes me just want to scream and then often hide.”

  • When my son was first diagnosed with autism, it was obvious for a long time beforehand that there was something different about him.

    He was also diagnosed with a 2 year global delay at that point, so he was about 3 when he received that early diagnosis, which means his sister who's 14 months younger than him, they were kind of almost of a similar age.

    And so there was always quite a lot of work and quite a lot of needs to be met as times gone on, I would say that they both have stronger clashing needs because he wants to be peaceful and have solace after a day at school and she wants to know what the next activity is 24 hours a day, which is kind of hard to navigate and sometimes leads me to realising that I'm walking along or I'm at home and there might be two or three family members, possibly even 4, having completely separate conversations with me all at once, all wanting their needs met, which makes me just want to scream and then often hide.

    One of the most tricky things for that is, I would say that the people who in the household that lead more towards autism want to know their routine, want to know what's happening, need to know of any big changes ahead, whereas the ADHD side of the household is wanting just to be entertained constantly and doesn't always want to be controlled with strict routines or they're definitely a lot more spontaneous.

    So I think kind of planning for both eventualities is the best way to deal with it.

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Journaling prompts

When I haven’t been the parent I want to be… what was happening in me at the time?

This isn’t about blame. It’s about giving yourself the same curiosity and compassion you’d give your child. Can you speak to yourself like you’re the child?

Is there a moment this week — even a tiny one — where we felt connected as a family?

Not perfect. Not peaceful. Just connected.

What do I need, that I keep pushing to the bottom of the list?

Not what the house needs. Not what your child needs. What you need.

What’s something I handled better than I would have a year ago?

It doesn’t have to be graceful or pretty. Just… less hard. That still counts.

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