Being One and Done

Note:
This page explores the experience of choosing not to have more children or feeling unable to.
If you're navigating grief around lacking the choice of being able to grow your family in the way you hoped, you might want to skip this one or come back to it gently, when you feel ready.

Some of us knew early on: one was enough.

For others, the question still lingers in the background, quietly aching, quietly terrifying.

The truth is, many neurodivergent parents struggle to imagine doing it again.

Not because we don’t love our children.
But because we know what it took to survive it the first time.

The sensory overload. The sleep deprivation. The mental load. The complete loss of self.

For some of us, it was trauma.

For others, it’s just the quiet knowing: I don’t have the capacity for more.

And still, there can be guilt.
Grief. Doubt. Shame.

The pressure to give our child a sibling.
The fear that we’ll regret it later.
The tension between wanting more and being too scared to try.

These voice notes are for anyone holding those questions or carrying that clarity.

Whether you’re certain you’re one and done…
Or still unsure…

You’re not alone. And you’re not failing.

You’re just being honest about what your body, your brain, and your life can hold.

Voice Notes

AuDHD

Katy

The grief process once you realise you are one and done.

“I've given everything and I give everything I can to my child that is here.”

  • My grief around not having another child and stopping at the one I have is so extreme, and yet I still don't know if I could ever have another one, and I think neurotypical people who I speak to are so confused by what I'm saying. I'm saying I really desperately want another child, but I just don't see how I can do it. And they just look at me like, well, but just have another child. But I don't think they understand the extreme struggle. How much harder it is when you have a neurodivergence, you know.

    I don't think I know myself well enough to have another child, and I I think I understand my capacity, I've given everything and I give everything I can to my child that is here. Every single day I give everything that I've got and I'm just not sure there's more to give.

    And I see people who are neurodivergent have more than one child and I see what a struggle that is, how it goes above and beyond a neurotypical struggle.

    So whilst I am incredibly sad and I grieve the children I will not have… I do feel like it's the right decision for me and I'm proud of myself for knowing what I can handle.

  • Feel free to ramble… we can edit the voice notes and send them back to you for sign off.

  • They can be anonymous if you feel more comfortable with that.

  • A good way to voice note is to use a voice memo app.

  • If you’re feeling uncomfortable, we advise that you just get started recording a memo. You can stop and re-record, but once you start, it becomes more comfortable!

  • Share the file here.

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Would you like to add a voice note?

Journaling prompts

What messages or expectations are shaping how I feel about having “only” one child?

From family? Culture? Social media? Seeing other parents? Which ones don’t actually belong to you?

If I never had another child, what might I get to reclaim, protect, or honour in myself?

This isn’t about choosing. It’s about acknowledging what matters to you, right now.

What would it actually take — emotionally, practically, physically — to do this again?

How would it reshape my life? What kind of support would I need? And is that even available to me right now?

Do I know my child needs a sibling?

What stories am I carrying about what makes a “complete” family?

Please share your Journaling insights!

Click below if you had a ‘moment’. We’d love to hear what resonated. This helps shape future voice notes and journals.